5 years from 2014...

I will be done with my degree next year and I think it is about time I should plan something out for the next 5 years. Nothing too complicated or to the minute details but something really simple for me to look at and try to ensure that I stick by it (or not).  :p

Next year... (2014)
Graduate from UQ with a decent degree in Political Science.
Get a job with the public service.

In 2015...
Make a trip to Yangon, Cambodia and Vietnam.
Sign up for second level of Korean language class.
Make it a point to have more than one photo shoots.
Pay off loans (sigh).

In 2016...
If all's good, go back to Queensland for a solo short holiday.
Upgrade my Nikon DSLR.
Attend Taiwan pride parade.

In 2017...
Hopefully... doing a good job with the public service.
Attend a barista course so that I can make good coffee and not only use my trusty Bodum french press.
Set up my #hungerneverstops project.

In 2018...
Take the parents out to a trip to somewhere like Turkey or somewhere I don't need to worry about their tummy so much. :p
Manage and maybe expand my #hungerneverstops project.
Do a really good job in my day job's project and leave a lasting impression to the organisation.

In 2019...
Leave the public service/or whatever job that I have.
Enrol myself into a postgrad programme in New Zealand.
Take a gap break from work and whatever else that I have on my plate.
Take a one month solo trip to conquer South Korea.
Move to New Zealand and pursue postgrad in Political Science.
Start thinking of what to do for the next 5 years in my life. :p

Lonely love

This is hard, probably the hardest entry I will ever have to write but here goes.

We turned 3 years old about 3 weeks ago. Prior before our third anniversary, my partner and I had a minor fight that pretty much escalated into a one week cold war/silent treatment. I have pretty much gotten used to this kind of life and I wasn't bothered as much as before in the previous years when we first started out. Things began to look better a few days before we turned 3 years. You could say I thought that things were beginning to look better. We made it to 3 years and to me, it is a big feat. My previous relationships have never crossed the 1 year mark. Maybe it is my fault that I am prissy, overbearing, bipolar and nice yet psycho. Or, the love was just not meant to be.

Things obviously didn't look great at all. A few days after we turned 3, we got yet into another one of the big fights. For the life of me, I can barely remember what it was all about but I reckon it was one of those time where my partner felt that I was being all possessive and had my life circled entirely around her (which is not the truth and highly impossible due to the fact that I am in Brisbane while she is back home in Singapore). Before we fought, I remembered asking her if she wanted to break up which she then responded, it wasn't about breaking up - it was about not trying so hard to be together. I was hurt because it didn't require much effort at all for us to maintain what we have now and if talking to each other every night for about 30 minutes or so entails as hard work or trying too hard then I honestly, do not know what to say. It is very hard for me to bring up the thought of breaking up because that is one thing I do not want to do. I never want to give up on the love we had.

Perhaps, I would have seen all these coming. We went through another week or actually close to two weeks of silent treatment. There were no texts nor calls exchanged between us. I changed my handphone wallpaper to something else because I wanted to take my mind off her. The horrible thing was that I spent my entire mid semester break crying, trying to break my sorrows and unfortunately, failing miserably that I hardly got much of my work done. I decided to catch up on my Kdramas and once in awhile went out to meet friends including Lav and El who came down to Brisbane. For 6 nights, I spent them on the floor crying my heart out. My head was in a mess - are we now over or are we still together? Why can't we just make it through till the end just like any other couple could? Am I asking for too much in this relationship? How much space do one essentially need? Are we really over? That one week for pure misery, detrimental to my health - mentally, emotionally and physically. In the words of Mel, 'shit have hit the fan'. Our relationship have obviously hit the fan. She said that it sounded like this is the first break up I am going through. Maybe she is right, maybe this is the first break up that I invested my entire heart, emotions, dreams into a relationship that I so hoping it would last.

Last Saturday, after she came back from her vacation, we finally spoke but it ended up again in another row. I was being all cold because I refused to be reminded of the fact that our conversations are being cut short and we do not need to talk on a daily basis because that was what she wanted. Today, we finally spoke and all hell broke loose. It didn't help that while I was having my late lunch at Boom Boom, Tasha's Lonely Love was playing. I have not stopped listening to it because it kept playing in my head. Right now, as much as I want to call it quits, my heart is telling me not to because just because I have been going through pain for the last few months, is it really worth it to give up the love? Plus, even if I wanted to do it, circumstances do not allow me to.

I told you, my love, she is like the sea. When she comes close enough for me to touch, she runs back to the great ocean and I am just left at the beach waiting for her to come back.

두 손을 내밀어
그댈 잡고 싶지만
더 멀어질 것 같아
그대 곁을 맴돌죠

사랑할 수 없어도 돼
닿을 수도 없어도 돼
Lonely love Yes I love you
난 멀리서도
그댈 볼 수가 있어요

Imaginary Friends

A few weeks back, Mel released her ebook on Kobo. The timing of the release of her book came just at the right time when I was inundated with mountains of readings and journals on top of major POLS essays on really boring stuff (yawn zzzz). I knew this ebook will come in handy especially when I need to take a break from the mind numbing works of Karl Marx and scholars fighting for human rights law to be universal. 

You know how the saying goes 'Don't judge a book by its cover'? This is definitely one of those that you probably will take a glance and snigger to yourself. Also, you would probably be asking yourself like how can this be an adult book especially when the front cover illustration is so utterly cute and kiddy like! My friends, I just finished reading this book and I can tell you that it is for grown ups. 

Imaginary Friends is written by Melanie Lee, a local Singapore writer whose writings I adore the most. This ebook is a compilation of interesting and really quirky short stories with adult humour embedded in them. However, the best part of it all is that, all the stories come with a lesson for you to take with and they also serve newly grown ups like me a reminder on life and whatever that life will decide to throw me with. It is a light read, nothing too heavy nor mind paralysing. It doesn't require you to ponder and ruminate over the topics that she highlights in her stories. I find it really good because that is what I need after going through three 20 page journals on some political theory. On top of that, while reading the stories, I often find myself transported back to when I was a kid reading fables and imagining if I was one of the characters. It was a really nice feeling. I am a total kid at heart and when I have a chance to take a break from being an adult and immerse myself with a book that allows me to be a kid, I find that really precious to me. :)

An excerpt from one of the short stories in Imaginary Friends.

The photo above is from the first short story in her ebook. I found myself laughing at the end of it and this story pretty much double confirmed that this is indeed targeted at adults. And with that phrase 'shit will hit the fan', I know this book is off on a roaring good start. As the stories are mainly short stories, you can actually finish reading it maybe in an hour or so. I knew that was going to happen so I decided to read the book in phases and also help myself before I go completely insane with my assignments. Plus, due to the fact that all the stories have words of wisdoms at the end of it, most of them helped me to feel like I am not an essay churning machine or a robot who is just digesting chunks of information on theories.

It was hard for me to choose a favourite story out of all the stories in the book. It was a really stiff competition between them and in the end, V is for Valerie the Vicious Vespa came out tops. Loved the story especially with the psychotic plot, thoughts and actions and yes, that vicious blue Vespa. I am thinking twice for a bit right now if I should get a Vespa just in case it might be another Valerie but in pink. Hahaha!

I am a little sad that I have finished reading the book because the book was entertaining and it was really an easy read. There were no big words that I had to check the dictionary for its meaning. The stories were relatable like somehow you know you have gone through some of them before or might have witnessed your friends having to deal with such issues in life. Or, maybe one of your friends (or even you) might be a Valerie who has psychotic thoughts (hey, not judging at all... I too have such thoughts sometimes especially when I am churning a 3000 word paper on some old theories). The illustrations accompanying the stories are super adorable and each of them made me smile.

I highly recommend this ebook to everyone especially my adult friends who are looking for a new book to read, more so those who are sick of reading novels or the daily painful news. Take a break from adulthood for a bit and pick up this book on Kobo and download it on your smart devices. Read it on your way to work before you start your day (and before shit hits the fan) or before you retire for the day. It is light, entertaining and makes you feel good. I can vouch for that since I survived writing THREE 3000 words papers for the past three weeks. And you know what is the best part? It is cheaper than your Starbucks grande caramel latte frappe. Plus, your caramel latte frappe will eventually go out of your body, this book however will stay in your library forever. If you ask me, it is a darn good investment. And if you are a fellow Singaporean like me, support local talents leh! Don't every time complain that we don't have steady bom pipi writers or talent in the literary field. Support hor! ;)

You can buy the ebook on Kobo or at the following links below:
Kobo
Lybrary
Readerstore

Enjoy!

The sea

My love, she is like the sea. She is beautiful. Her spirit is free and wild. Her voice is ridiculously soothing to my ears even if she was screaming for my attention. When she comes to me, she dances freely without a care in the world. My love, she is amazing. Whenever she gets nearer, I get excited. But when she gets close enough for me to hold and touch her, she rushes back to the start. She runs back to where she came from. But, that is how she keeps me coming back for more. Because I know, like the sea, I will always stay behind and wait for her to return so that I can feel her again.

Am I there yet?

Back in RP and when I turned 21, Audra always reminded me of this transitioning period between the last years of my teenhood to adulthood is going to be one complex and possibly, mind boggling journey. However, once I enter adulthood, things will get better and easier to handle. To be honest, never really comprehended what she meant by it. Furthermore, I resented adulthood. Adults make things complicated, all I wanted was just to stay in where I was. Happily living in my teen world and sometimes going back to my kiddy days. Yes sir and madam, you are speaking to a proud member of the Peter Pan club. However, I obviously have entered adulthood and still experiencing some bits of the transitioning period. My body is fully in the adulthood stage, a part of my mind and soul is not. Anyways, it was in the middle last night that I was just looking through my Instagram feed and I saw a photo of the old SG clique that I used to hang out with but had a fall out a few months back. A part of me was a little blue because I reckon I could have been still be a part of them but for some reason or so, the adult Adorra pretty much brushed away that feeling and told myself 'you are in a good if not a much better state than before. You are a 24y.o adult who will be taking over the world next July. You don't need to surround yourself who don't think or look at things the same way as you do. You don't need unnecessary drama to hinder your progress in life. Little children are fine once in a while to be in your life but what you need now is mature adult friends who have pretty much tasted more salt and comfortable living in the adult phase of their life and know that dramas are unnecessary and stupid.'

Chaaaa ching! The light bulb came out and it finally occurred to me that this was what Audra has been telling me about for the past few years. If this happened when I was still in RP, I'd probably be still entwined in such stupid dramas and be miserable. I still wonder if I have fully embraced adulthood and if I have grown up. I am sure a part of me have matured and aged, learnt more life lessons and be more acceptance to loss and the challenges that life brings. I guess Audra is right, I still have a bit more to go but she did say that, there will be some more but they won't faze me too much. :)

Friday with LovE

It is the mid-semester break and I haven't been really a good girl in finishing or actually even doing my work. I have two essays due next week and both are my major essays. I know, naughty me. However, I think I have had enough of rest and fun and it is time to get serious so I officially will end my SWOTVAC break later after brunch with my MSTU3001 girlies and I will start collating my research and move on with my writing. In all honesty, I think I will be needing a shitload of motivation and intense focus on the goal to get to the end mark.

Second last day of the break and it was Friday with LovE. L being Lav and E being El. Lav is a friend of mine whom I met by chance while volunteering for UNIFEM Singapore. How we became friends is still a strange thing since we didn't see each other after the event and we led pretty much different lives. Till today, I still cannot put a finger on this but not that it matters actually so moving on... we became friends and I discover that Lav has this strong interest or if I may call it, passion for horoscopes. Like me, I love reading on horoscopes and the characteristics each sign possess. Some may call it a flake and some people I know calls it blasphemous. I personally don't care and to me, there are some characteristics that I have really portrays who and what a Gemini person is and can be. Lav and I talked a lot on GTalk and we would talk about a lot of things from horoscopes to TV shows. The common TV show that pretty much bind us together? Grey's Anatomy. And the characters that we eventually could identify with? Calliope Torres and Arizona Robbins. It is so funny, really especially when I think about it that a TV show, a fictional relationship, a fictional character can actually mirror so much of my reality. I am pretty much Dr. Robbins while my partner is Dr. Torres. Our love life pretty much resembles theirs even at the most recent disastrous part of their lives. Urm, I didn't cheat on my partner. I am just saying as they are fighting, my partner and I just went through a series of really intense fight that almost made me threw in the towel. It is one of those friendship that I always find it amazing that throughout the years, despite meeting maybe once a year or two, we still talk and we are pretty much plugged into each other's lives and we will forever be gushing about a TV character or characters. :p

I will never forget the Starbucks session that both of us had before I left for Brisbane. It was probably the one meet up that we had to schedule and reschedule a few times. It was also that meet up that I finally could tell her face to face about my love life and speak fondly about my partner and so did Lav. If you ask me, that meet up will remain as one of those great moments in our friendship because I have never spoken about my partner like in really nitty gritty details and very fondly to anyone. As much as I do share things about her, I don't tell much. It was also at that meet up where Lav told me about El and their love. Aye, so sweet can die one lor and Lav could not stop gushing about her other half and it was the cutest and lovelies thing ever, EVER. :)

Fast forward to earlier today...

 Lav and El is in Brisbane! :) I have been counting down to today ever since Lav confirmed her Australia trip plans with me. It was really good to see the both of them today. I think it is a really nice feeling to see your friends from your homeland in the current place you are living at. It makes you feel like home is just there and you are never too far away from home. It was also my first time that I met El. Finally, saw the girl in person and she is a whole lot of lovely and adorable to bits! The three of us had coffee at Brew and we spoke and dished out all the deets of our lives, my possible future plans of working for the military(hahaha! what?), Grey's Anatomy and Calzona (like doh) and and of course, horoscopes. Was just telling Lav that I find it utterly amazing that I am really on good terms with Sorcha who is a Capricorn and in my history of being a Gemini for 24 years of my life, I have never had a steady friendship/relationship with Capricorns.

We went to Mecca Maxima after coffee because I wanted to show El the NARS lippie I was wearing because the first thing she noticed after we were introduced by Lav was my lip colour. And according to my aunt, that is how I usually make friends because I am always wearing something that will catch people's attention or liking. I don't even find that surprising anymore where I basically make people go check out make up or stuff. The trip was to Mecca Maxima was funny because both me and Lav were just so excited to see if the NARS lippie would suit El. The colour I am wearing turns out to be a tad too bright for her but she did end up with a NARS lippie in the end. *proud NARSissist* I also brought them to The Dark Chocolatier and made them buy chocolates to bring back home because how can you leave Queensland without buying some wonderful Noosa chocolates home! :p I think I do make a good guide for Brisbane even though I just lived here for almost a year and a half.

Really amazing Friday filled with so much smiles, laughter and joyous love. Love between the both of them especially. I am used to seeing Lav gushing about El when she talks about her when El wasn't around but truth to be told, Lav still gushes about El when she talks about her and even when El is around. It was heartwarming to the extent, it did make me miss my partner. But all's good. I am just really happy to see the both of them. So, if you look at the first photo of the post, it is the photo of El and Lav. I was thinking of a caption and this crossed my mind, when I took the initials of their name and the first alphabet - L and E. I tried to think of a word and the first word that appeared in my head was LOVE. Really, how apt and it is perfect because it totally suits them. :)

Happy me will slowly go to sleep now so that I can wake up in less than 5 hours for my final brunch before I go back to the life of a uni student slaving her life away to essays. :p

Happy weekends everyone. :)

With love,
Adorra