Beginning at the end.

F Scott Fitzgerald aptly describes my love. My love, it at the start at end of everything. It is the first and the last of my daily thoughts and if life permits, the start of my breath when I saw her the first time till I breathe my last at my death bed. It has been a week since we last had a proper conversation all because of a fuss that I kicked up over not spending time together as much as I would like to. With me being miles away from home, our spending time together has shortened tremendously, leaving only sometimes daily video calls to ask about each others' day. And then there are those days where each of us have our own (boring) lives to lead and we would be so knackered by the end of the day, we barely have any energy to speak. But as of late, my love, she puts a timer to our conversation. It irked me tremendously. 10 minutes of speaking time was all that I got. Out of 24 hours, I only got 10 or if I am lucky 20 minutes and last Friday, I got 1 hour but that ended on a bad note which left us at our current state. 

As I mull over this over the week, I often wonder if it was wrong of me to have a little bit more time with her. Is it really that bad or are our conversations or the time with me really that bad that it had to be timed to a mere 10 minutes? Is it wrong of me to request for a little bit of us time? I feel guilty and I feel so wronged at the same time. I feel guilty for asking more yet I feel wronged when people thinks I am just being clingy. I have nothing to cling here in Brisbane everybody. I am alone, an island of my own especially when it comes to love. I am not being sticky, I am just being affectionate and in love with the love of my life. I just want more time with her. That's all.

Walked home from Hawken earlier this evening and my eyes gazed at the full moon shining so bright. Whenever we used to fight, all will be well by the time it is full moon. However, sadly, not this time. I still get the cold reply you used to give when you are pissed. Maybe you are right to be pissed for expecting a lot from you and saying I am not expecting much but show the look of disappointment and unhappiness when I am not getting what I want. 

This is crazy. I miss you and I don't know what to do. I reached out to you but all I get is a cold reply. Is it karma for expecting from you? I guess it is.