Beginning at the end.

F Scott Fitzgerald aptly describes my love. My love, it at the start at end of everything. It is the first and the last of my daily thoughts and if life permits, the start of my breath when I saw her the first time till I breathe my last at my death bed. It has been a week since we last had a proper conversation all because of a fuss that I kicked up over not spending time together as much as I would like to. With me being miles away from home, our spending time together has shortened tremendously, leaving only sometimes daily video calls to ask about each others' day. And then there are those days where each of us have our own (boring) lives to lead and we would be so knackered by the end of the day, we barely have any energy to speak. But as of late, my love, she puts a timer to our conversation. It irked me tremendously. 10 minutes of speaking time was all that I got. Out of 24 hours, I only got 10 or if I am lucky 20 minutes and last Friday, I got 1 hour but that ended on a bad note which left us at our current state. 

As I mull over this over the week, I often wonder if it was wrong of me to have a little bit more time with her. Is it really that bad or are our conversations or the time with me really that bad that it had to be timed to a mere 10 minutes? Is it wrong of me to request for a little bit of us time? I feel guilty and I feel so wronged at the same time. I feel guilty for asking more yet I feel wronged when people thinks I am just being clingy. I have nothing to cling here in Brisbane everybody. I am alone, an island of my own especially when it comes to love. I am not being sticky, I am just being affectionate and in love with the love of my life. I just want more time with her. That's all.

Walked home from Hawken earlier this evening and my eyes gazed at the full moon shining so bright. Whenever we used to fight, all will be well by the time it is full moon. However, sadly, not this time. I still get the cold reply you used to give when you are pissed. Maybe you are right to be pissed for expecting a lot from you and saying I am not expecting much but show the look of disappointment and unhappiness when I am not getting what I want. 

This is crazy. I miss you and I don't know what to do. I reached out to you but all I get is a cold reply. Is it karma for expecting from you? I guess it is. 

Every breath is a new lease of life

I am now officially back as a citizen of the uni suburb - St Lucia. Can't even begin to tell you how elated I am to be back here in the awesome uni suburb. Homecoming to Brisbane wasn't ideal and I think my body did warn me beforehand which explains all the crying at the airport and even on the plabe and not wanting to be here when I came back to Singapore for Eid. Nevertheless, the dog days are over and I am on a new lease of life. Landlord, G, has been super kind, understanding and supportive. Her house rules were simple - just be clean and treat the house proper which I have been even though I have decorated my room to the extent that you cannot even see a vacant white spot staring at you. The room finally feels like my own private sanctuary and working space. She is really nice too and very warm and homely person. Over the past two weeks, I think we have bonded pretty well. Tonight was supposed to be working on my first phase of doing up my conflict map for Afghanistan for my Politics of Peacebuilding course but ended up in the lounge with G, talking about our lives and my somewhat not so exciting love life over some drinks. Life's good now if you ask me and I am have settled down very comfortably albeit bumping into unwanted former acquaintances that made the day awkward. But hey, as I always say, all's good!

As every new lease life starts from within, I dyed my hair red and got myself an IKEA pupsy for me to love. Set some goals and projects that I aim to do in my second final semester here. Am now a member of the United Nations Student Association and met many new people that I have linked up to embark in my happy brownies project. Hopefully, all will go well and I can donate my brownies to the poor Indigenous people living around my area or those that I will be linking up with. New lease of life also meant I am restarting my life here on (supposedly) a clean slate but thankfully, I had the support of some friends whom have been with me throughout my downfall, who have helped me with my move, who offered their love, care and concern, all those phone calls and Skype sessions even with my hommies back in Singapore, and seriously good amount of food and drinks to make me feel better. Oh Luke from LTD for the wonderful coffee - in shitty times like that, coffee does a hell lot of wonders. 

In between settling down at my new place, I have been catching up with my two favourite awesome tutors now turned friends. Not in the photo is Connie. Connie and I have been meeting up for coffee so often that selfies are no longer important. HAHAHAHA! Great hot soy chockies and brownies plus a good catch up session is our main priority now. Connie's been really awesome as she actually took time out to come meet me and bought me hot chockies to help me pull through the tough month of August despite her extremely busy schedule. I don't know how she actually manages to teach tutorials and at the same time finish her last lap of her thesis writing. Forever in awe of this lady. 

I went to catch up with my favourite and ever peaceful Irish lady, Sorcha for tea and our second catch up session earlier this evening. She's such a bundle of sunshine and made me so happy to see her again. Plus, I am actually glad that we didn't meet during the tough period of August where I clearly looked like I was ran over by a truck while trying to churn out my minor essays and finishing policy reviews. It was definitely a good catch up this evening and all I can say, the tea time was a great start to my weekend. I couldn't be more thankful to have met these two wonderful ladies in UQ. 

With that said, I am enjoying this new lease of life that life and God has given me after throwing like some major truck loads of lemons. And oh, really exciting days ahead. :)

Happy weekends everyone, hope all is well! xx

Thankful Thursday

I have to admit that the end of my really tough and crazy academic week is looking really great and hell yea, gorgeous just like the photo above. Took this shot while I was walking to Chancellor's Place after walking Connie to her office.

Tute paper and discussion went pretty smoothly and there were some funny moments in class because as usual, I went all ghetto and punk. Hahaha. Well, it certainly adds life to the tutorial. When it comes to Politics class, I try to level them up by being all ghetto at times and it makes my tute mates laugh and I like that.

Insomnia is taking over my life so I haven't been sleeping properly which also made dozed off in MSTU3001 class while watching Take Off. If it weren't for Connie's email that shook my entire table forcing me to wake up, I would have slept throughout the film screening.

Went to meet Connie for our much urm awaited semester coffee session. Wasn't really a coffee session since both of us got soy hot chocolate in the end. It was as usual fabulous catch up - spoke to her about the recent NZ trip and the adventures I had there plus how I think NZ is the right place for me should I want to work overseas or if I do consider moving there for a bit. Funny and maybe the most lucky thing about the NZ trip that I managed to escape from being affected tremendously by the horrible and strange weather there. After we flew off from Wellington to Queenstown, Wellington was hit by an earthquake and just days before that happened, there was a massive storm. We were supposed to meet last week but we had to reschedule due to her being busy with markings and I wasn't in any good state to meet her as I had my own battles to settle and Connie was really sweet about it, offering help or basically asking me if there's anything she could do to help me go through it. When we spoke about it today, it was nice to hear from an adult's perspective and she made a few good points that also made a lot of sense. I was pretty relieved to hear that the decisions I have made so far is actually a good sign to restart my life and loved how she assured me that everything will be okay. Wouldn't have been able to survive Brisbane and the many ups and downs living without the parents if it weren't for Cons's positivity.

Today has been a great day. This week has been pretty fantastic albeit the crazy amount of assignment and work to be done but nonetheless, I have managed to complete most of them and have not delayed any submission. Coffee with Cons definitely made the day and a great way to end the week. Really, extremely thankful for such a wonderful day. :)

My love, she keeps me warm

Remember the song 'Same Love' from Macklemore? If that song made you cry and stirred up so many feels just because you can relate to it and by all means you believe in same love, lo and behold, the lady who co-wrote and sang the song, Mary Lambert released 'She Keeps Me Warm' not too long ago. Honestly, I feel Mary's parts are the most relatable ones and perhaps because I am a girl in love with another girl, it sure did close to home.

Just listened to the song today and a huge wave of emotions swept me and I couldn't stop tearing up because the lyrics were exactly the same things that ran through my head when I think about my love, how we first met, when I first saw her and when I knew that I am pretty much head over heels in love with her. I saw the music video which premiered on Billboard and it brought me sweet memories on how we got together - perhaps not the same way as in the video (it'd be a dream come true to fall in love with a barista but hey, one thing I have learnt from this relationship, she was nothing like my dream and in fact, she was better than what I have always dreamt of), the same emotions on Mary's face when we first held hands and at the very start when I would steal a few glances to look at her. Our love is beautiful and yes, my love, she keeps me warm. Tried and tested especially during -1 degree weather conditions. :p

The ending of her music video on Billboard showed a background of Seattle and it was beautiful and made me thought, while everyone wants to be held and kiss before the Eiffel Tower, I too want to do the same thing but in Seattle. Don't ask me why but I am a little fond of Seattle and Paris is too mainstream. Lol.

This song got me at the very first verse and I think it is becoming one of the top songs that will be on loop for a while. A great song to get me going this few crazy weeks just because I know I can draw strength to survive the incredulous tough journey ahead from my love and at the end of the day, before I head to bed, I know I am blessed to be with somebody who makes me laugh, smile and keeps me warm even if we are miles away from each other.

Sup baby cakes!

In June, I bought a domain since the one in Wordpress.com expired but till this very day,  2 months and 23 days later, I have yet to set up anything or even log into my website server. Call me lazy. Yeah, I guess you are right. But, in my defense, I have been traveling and moving and now back to school and fighting assignments and wow, so many 'ands'.

Well, I decide to just go back to the simple blogging days and use Blogger.

Look out for more stuff in this space and please give me a little bit more time to sort out my domain matters.

Be right back, errbody!